On Reflections on My 32nd Birthday
Moving stuff from Facebook for archival purposes. I wrote this on my 32nd birthday.
Today marks my 32nd birthday. September also marks National Suicide Prevention Month, a topic - together with mental health - close to my heart.
Five years ago, from February to March 2018, I attempted to kill myself multiple times. As a result, I was voluntarily confined for a week inside the basement / neuropsychiatric ward of Makati Med. When I got out, the suicidal thoughts fortunately subsided, but the effects of both depression and - ironically - the medication against such depression have numbed what was before the bright colors of life.
This birthday is quite special because for the first time since 2018, I can confidently say that though still not fully cured of the illness (it is something I have to live with forevermore), I have made significant progress. My parents are well and enjoying retirement (they are in Europe right now!). My brothers seem to be doing OK in their paths. Next year, I am marrying the love of my life, who helped me significantly in this journey. My dog is happy, though I suspect it’s partly because he’s a bit dumb compared to other dogs. I am satisfied with my career, surrounded by good people and a very relaxed working environment. I am trying to lose weight and lost 3 kilograms so far. Books still help me escape reality, but now I read for entertainment rather than as a survival mechanism. Finally, and perhaps most importantly, I just reached Mythic at Mobile Legends, so maybe the cure to depression is to play toxic games and learn how to say “bobo” in creative ways (e.g., “vv“) without triggering the censors.
Anyway, I’m content. Life is good, but more than that, my outlook TOWARD life is better. The world isn’t perfect, sometimes shit hits the fan, but now I know how to sit back and say, “It’s OK.”
Thank you for all the birthday greetings. Y’all the best.