On Writing
I don’t care if I get published, or be known, or even be a good writer. I just want to finish and accomplish something.
Ever since I was a kid, I always knew I wanted to be a writer. My brothers, who I look up to (even today), have this huge shelf of books in our shared bedroom. As an introvert even since then, I never had any friends in the neighborhood. My friends were my brothers and the books. For me, that was enough.
My brothers would fight nowadays who introduced me to reading. I think there was no contest because both of them did. The eldest brother introduced me to my first novel which was “The Thief of Always” by Clive Barker. I loved the book because it has pictures in it, and the images of Mr Hood, the vampires, and Lulu turning into a fish are still clear to my mind until this day.
The middle brother, however, introduced me to short stories. He always loved to write, and he would have me read stories that he himself wrote, ranging from the humorous to the thought-provoking. He also loved making campaigns for this game called Heroes of Might and Magic II, and that was a form of a story for me, too. It’s no surprise that he turned to blogging when the fad took off in the late aughts, and inspired me to do the same.
When I told my father that I wanted to be a writer, he told me to become a lawyer first because it opens a lot of possibilities for writers (like John Grisham, he said). I believed him, the liar, but to give him credit, I had been fixated on becoming a lawyer ever since I was a kid, too. Still, when college came and I had to choose a degree, since I had nothing to lose because I knew I would be in law school soon after, I chose Communication with a major in Writing to at least boost my chances of being a writer when I do become a lawyer.
I love to write during college. I had consistently high marks in writing non-fiction pieces and exemplary grades in poetry. I struggled a bit with short stories, and my novel-as-thesis sucked as balls, but at least I was writing. My classmates knew me as a writer, and I loved every bit of the attention that I was given. I did not graduate with honors because my grades, other than my writing subjects, are shit, but I am proud of myself during that time. I was a writer.
When I graduated from college, as I had planned, I went to law school. I lost focus on writing, though I did dabble a bit here and there. Law school took over my life and slowly, when I take a look at the mirror, I see a writer who was once is, but never could be anymore. I lost the passion for writing.
Things took a turn for the worse when I started working as a lawyer. Now, I cannot even write anything creative. The most creative I can be was when writing contracts, and I don’t know if it even counts. I just want to write like I used to. I guess that's why I have this Bearblog to do some writing. It doesn’t have to be good (and I don’t expect anything to be good), but at least I am writing. Poems, short stories, vignettes, autobiographical pieces like this one, writing prompts, everyday happenings - all are on the table. If I fail, I fail, but I just want to try and have that same spark as I did back in college.
I just want to call myself a writer and fulfill the inner kid’s dream in me.
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