On Friendship
I have a few friends, and honestly, it's eating me up. I'm always envious of people on social media who go out with their barkada, play online games together, just throw shit around. Perhaps this is the code for things like isekai as well as influencers' success - parasocial relationships where losers like I think we are friends with them (though it does come with a cost).
I've been a bad friend in retrospect. I always said no to people who invited me until the invitations dried up, and I have mastered ghosting whenever the mood hits me when I don't want to talk to people. And now I dare to talk shit about people when they ghost me? Oh, the gross irony.
It reminds me of that adage, "If everywhere you go smells like shit, maybe it's time to check your shoes." I am the asshole. Yet here I am, wallowing in self-pity.
Will I go out of my way to make more friends? Maybe. I am terrible at socializing. Should I just accept that this is how my world is now? Maybe too. I reflect on what Hollywood star Greta Garbo said:
I never said I want to be alone. I only said I want to be let alone! There is all the difference.
You know what? Same, dear. I should focus on being my friend.